why we should get rid of overused gender issues
I love the
moment, when they say my name: Alex. And nobody knows what to expect. Someone
talking about space, that’s what they’ve heard. So it must be a guy. Space is
male.
I love the
moment when I jump on stage and see the first row raising their eyebrows. Space
is female? And fun as well? Yes!
Here we go:
a person (biological woman), who doesn’t care about being male or female,
talking about space (absolutely male) and dance-therapy ( pretty female) at the
same time. Getting confused? It’s okay, you’re not alone!
one world: two concepts, one thousand mistakes
In our
world we distinguish between two kinds of people: man and woman. Considering
todays thrive towards individualism and freedom, I think this is not appropriate
anymore. We might (most of us) differ in being biological male or female, but
that concludes anything about or psychological aspect: our gender. Our way of
being, dreaming and living. The way our identity is built as a result of
possibilities, changes and ideas has nothing to do with two barred concepts.
Look at my
“female” side: I love cooking, colorful clothes, I consider myself empathic and
emotional, loving dance and listening.
And look at
my “male” side: I love adventures, sports, fighting, beer and burgers,
shouting, joking and big spaceships.
Sum up
these aspects and you receive a holistic picture of me which is exemplary for
many human beings sitting in metros, writing research proposals, eating and
sleeping. Why would you not offer every human being the time and openness and
follow him/her/it towards highly individual and creative personalities?
Why are we
so afraid to leave our attributions behind and look at what someone is offering
you? Our world sometimes seems to be blinded by prejudges and written mindsets.
join me…
for the
first time I’ve participated at a Science Slam. As one of the three winners, I
got rewarded with a prize. Leaving the stage, the first comment I received was:
Oh, will you use your prize money and buy new shoes?” … “What?” My presentation
had nothing to do with shoes, neither with females, males, make-up, skirts,
nails, calories or anything related to the box from which we take our
conclusions on women. I forgot what I had worn this day, because I simply
didn’t care – hum wait, I think I had a T-Shirt with “Spacedance” – the topic
of my presentation on it. Completely gender-neutral.
A female
co-slammer summed it up like this: “As a women on stage you should neither be
too nerdy and nor too sexy. What remains is being nice and friendly. Shy and
not exaggerated.”
Our society
is packed with stories like these: girls who love physics and get pulled back
by conservative teachers stating that physics only matters once the hair maker
falls down (Newton). Parents who educate their daughters to do gymnastics but
not martial arts. Future bosses who ask about pregnancy during job interviews
(-> my uterus doesn’t contribute to my results in research or my successes
in therapy, sorry!)
Important
to mention: it also works the other way around: men who are told not to cry
(why on earth do they have the physical ability for crying then?). We stamp men
who as “soft” if they love poems or care about body lotion and clothes. And we
observe who are forced to be heroes in bed (usually it’s two people attending
the situation, so best is when both move…).
who is responsible?
One might
wonder who is responsible for this situation of dividing the complexity of
humanity into two boxes. I would say, every one of us is – which also provides
the possibility to change it.
Situation
on a train: I am squeezed in my place, working on my laptop, as suddenly a
group of ten women joins the compartment. During five minutes the train is
floated by loud giggling and flat jokes. Summary of mentioned topics: how to
distract men, how to do nails, which celebrity got laid. When the (young)
conductor arrives for ticket control, the bunch of 50 year old women transforms
into a mass of exploding hormones, covering the compartment with high pitched
voices and stupid flirt attacks. This is the “group” people relate me to? I
have nothing to do with this! Two hours later I feel stressed and aggressive.
These women are one part of the reason why people on Science Slam associate me
with shoes.
What I want
to show using this story is: Discrimination against women is not a male thing.
It’s something women do as well when behaving in a way which only crosses the
points on the woman list, but has nothing to do with someone’s individual
perspective. Don’t put yourself in the box society has prepared to you. Just
say no! To my point of view this is the most simple and less violent revolution
we can start.
I have my
methods to react on offenses like these. My “shoefriend” received a “Shoes? Why
shoes?”-poker face, even though I was burning inside. That was the moment in
which he realized that middle age concepts are not appropriate anymore.
feminist, emancipist or just without concept.
Are you a
feminist? That’s what people would say? No I am not. I am a humanist. I don’t
care about my gender, when being on stage, when being at work, when studying,
when thinking, when doing anything. But I do care about science, thoughts, the
world we live in and what I could contribute to it.
For me this
world resembles a huge cupboard full of choices: jobs, clothes, goals, ideals –
and I can pick. Maybe it’s due to my defective sight that I didn’t notice the
stamps “male” or “female” glued on the colored shelf of possibilities. And I
don’t want to put on glasses to change this view.
I believe
we achieve tolerance, once we won’t think about “male” or “female” anymore.
Once these aspects simply don’t care anymore. Once I can perform on stage as
Alex. Simply Alex.
